Stuff Cristianos Like

It’s that time of the year again. The time of the year that Cristianos love to be at church.

New Year’s.

We love being at church on New Years more than we love being at church during any other holiday. We could sacrifice going to church on Easter, Christmas, and even Thanksgiving, but no way on earth can we sacrifice being there when the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s. Missing the clock striking midnight on New Year’s is like missing the Second Coming of Jesus Christ (because every Cristiano has that immense fear that Jesus will come on midnight of any given New Year). The New Years service is one of the most memorable times for Cristianos.

With that in mind, here are 5 things to remember about the Cristianos New Year’s service.

1. There will be about 512 testimonios during the night. Anyone who has never had a chance to say something or sing a song all year long will have a chance tonight. In fact, the midnight countdown will probably be pushed back to 2 AM due to Hermana Rosita’s testimonio and prophetic message for 2011.
2. You will see people you haven’t seen all year. These people are possibly scared that Jesus will come back on New Year’s and they just want to make sure they’re in church when that happens.
3. There will be some sort of sermon on how the year 2011 is Biblical significant. The number 11 is the number of disciples left after Judas betrayed Jesus. They were the faithful ones. This is the year to be faithful…(or something like that). Or they can talk about Jehoiakim reigning 11 years or how the 11 sons of Jacob came to bow down to Joseph. I’m sure you can come up with another one.
4. Since the service will be anywhere from 3-5 hours, people will show up late. You know why? Because Cristianos always show up late. What makes you think Cristianos won’t show up late on the last day of the year? If they showed up late 364 other days of the year, why on earth would they be on time on the 365th? As long as people are there by midnight and are able to get some free buñuelos, then all is forgiven.
5. And while we’re on that subject of food, sometime before, during, or after, there will be a potluck featuring the few basic food groups: Menudo or Pozole, Pan Dulce, Abuelita Chocolate, Buñuelos, Tamales, and possibly even Champurrado. What better way to bring in the New Year than to eat the most fattiest foods late at night?

So there it goes. The ingredients to a Cristianos New Year’s service. In all of my years of life, I have never missed a single New Year’s service. It’s pecado if we do, because Jesus might just come back at midnight.

You know her, right?

She probably sat right across from you this morning. You probably also tried to avoid talking to her by pretending like you didn’t see her. You bowed your head and assumed the praying position just so that you wouldn’t make eye-contact with her.

Who am I talking about? I’m talking about none other than the Hermana with the Pandero.

This hermana is the one who’s a trooper. Even when she didn’t make the cut for the praise team and has no rhythm whatsoever, she always manages to find a pandero and starts to dance with it. Even when you hide the panderos in the church, she ends up bringing her own in a shiny red bag. It’s the inevitable. You can’t escape it, and you can’t hide from her. Her pandero will go off at just the right moment, and if she happens to go into a state of bendicion, there’s no stopping her.

So instead of writing out an elaborate thought-out blog about this hermana, I thought it would be even more inappropriate to show you an example through video. Courtesy of Los Bukis at the 1 minute and 2 seconds mark. Enjoy.

So you walk into the church during any given service, and what is the first thing every Cristiano must do?

I call it the 5-minute banca prayer.

It’s the prayer that you MUST do when you walk into a service either at your seat or at the altar. It is required that you get on your knees and pray for a period of 5-minutes. Even if you’re 23 minutes late to service and the praise and worship has already started, you HAVE to do this prayer. Without the 5-minute banca prayer, the service can only result in mayhem because the presence of God won’t be there. If the preaching has already started and you show up late, you better not forget to do this prayer. God might strike you down.

Cristianos do this prayer religiously like if their life depends on it. We don’t even dare say hello to a anyone unless we’ve done this little prayer.

I remember growing up and going to church with my mom. She would always force me to do the 5-minute banca prayer with her. I would always ask myself, “Do I have to do this when I become an adult? Do I have to assume this position every time I get into the service? Can’t I pray standing up or sitting down?”

What do you think? Must we do this little routine prayer or is there something more? Comment Below.